Secrets
by LainaLuvLife9
Summary: Everyone has a secret. Siruis Black has three,a secret that's ruining his life.He is involved with three different girls,the girl hes in love with,his clingy girlfriend,and Lily Evans. Sometimes to make things right, you have to give all your secrets away
1. Chapter 1

Secrets

Ch 1: (Think of Me)

_Think of me, think of me fondly._

_When we've said goodbye._

_Remember me, once in a while._

_Please promise me you'll try._

_When you find, that once again you long, to take your heart back and be free._

_If you ever find a moment, spare a though for me. _

~Andrew Loyd Webber (The Phantom of the Opera)

**Christine P.O.V**

I woke to the sounds of my parents screaming at each other, as usual. I lugged myself out of bed, deciding that I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep anyway. I threw on a pair of ratty jeans and a v-neck purple shirt; I wasn't doing anything special today. I looked at my face in the mirror, frowning. I grabbed my make-up box so I could at least look half-decent. I took out some foundation and gently rubbed it on my sallow looking skin. It helped a little, making my skin glow the way it used to. There were still dark circles under my eyes from weeks of restless sleep, where I always woke to that one image I know I will never be able to get out of my head. I pushed the thought to the back of my brain immediately before the tears came.

I rubbed eye foundation vigorously under and on my lids to cover up the circles. Once my skin looked mostly clear and normal, I swiped on a thin line of brown eye liner. I brushed on a stroke of mascara to untangle my lashes. My eyes at least looked less dull and cloudy. If been through a bunch of shit these past few weeks, and it wasn't helping my looks. Mum screamed my name, and I winced.

"Coming!" I yelled back, desperately running a brush through my tangled hair.

"CHRISTINE!" Came another yell. Oh well. I gave up and just tied my hair back into a messy ponytail and came clopping down the stairs.

"Wh…" I stopped in the middle of the stairwell as my eyes took in the sight before me. My mom was smiling hugely, and behind her stood a dark haired family. The mother stood proud and tall, her dark hair falling in long waves down to her chest. Her eyes were dark, and I couldn't recognize the color. Next to her stood a man equally handsome, his dark hair shaggy. He had the same dark eyes. A boy who must be just starting sixth year stood next to them, scowling. The family stood proud, with an air of royalty. I met eyes with the last boy and my breath caught in my throat. His beautiful stormy grey eyes bore into mine, and unwanted memories flashed before me.

His smile. The way he kissed me. The way his perfect lips formed my name. Seeing him laying on a couch in the Common Room, his lips pressed against a girl I didn't recognize. The way he tried to apologize. The tears I have cried because of him. I blinked everything away, and tore my eyes away from Sirius Black's.

"Why are they here?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"Well, as you know darling, the Quidditch Tournament is next week. Walburga here, who I was chums with in school, invited us to come along with her. How lovely is that?" Mum replied, smiling warmly. I knew that smile was fake.

"Oh." I said softly.

"We are leaving today at noon, so I would suggest you pack while I give them some snacks and tea." Mum smiled again, nodding toward the stairs. I slowly walked back up, my heart racing and my head spinning. I was trying not to hyperventilate, and failed almost instantly. I threw my stuff into a bag, only thinking that Sirius effing Black was in my house. The one who cheated on me with a girl whose name I now knew as Marlene McKinnon. She was known for a slut, and luckily she is now out of Hogwarts. That's the only luck I've been having recently.

I took the time to brush and straighten my hair a little bit, but, despite my attempts, it still looked lanky and greasy. _Why do you care what he thinks of you? He cheated on you._ I tried to tell myself, but I knew it was hopeless. Of course I would want to look good for my ex, and of course that just wasn't working out to well for me. Once my important belongings were packed, I took the time to make my bed and organize my dresser. It was made up of little trinkets I had collected over the years, letters, and pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. Of my family, friends, celebrities, sketches, ect. They were stuck in the sides of the mirror, taped onto the mirror, or in frames. I stared at the only picture frame that was facing down. I mustered up my courage and gently picked up the broken frame.

I remembered all the times I had pummeled this frame into my bedroom walled, as if I hoped to break the picture inside. The gorgeous face inside had broken my heart, and yes I will admit that Sirius Black is gorgeous. He wasn't your typical hot guy; he was the type of gorgeous that made your thoughts blur and your eye sight go fuzzy. I had been warned he was heart breaker, but he seemed different around me. I thought he really cared, everyone thought he did. But once again, he surprised us all.

I gently slipped my finger into the back of the frame, and cut my finger in the process. I cursed angrily and stuck my finger in my mouth. The picture stayed trapped inside. In frustration I threw the frame at the same place in the wall I always had previously, but this time the entire frame shattered. I stared in shock as the picture gently drifted to my feet, unharmed. Sirius stared up at me, his dark grey eyes smirking, his lips curved up into a lopsided smile. Blinking back unwanted tears; I shoved the picture into the bottom of my bag and grudgingly dragged my feet downstairs.

"I'm ready." I grumbled once I reached the kitchen, dropping my bag onto the floor. A ringing silence fell, the entire Black family staring at me.

"It took you long enough dear!" Mrs. Black finally said, smiling coldly at me. I opened my mouth to argue, but closed it when I remembered that it would be disrespectful. I could argue with my own family, not my ex-boyfriend's.

"We are nearly finished with tea, and then we will Apparate there." Mum added, leaning against the kitchen counter elegantly. It wasn't fair. She looked beautiful without even trying. Her hair fell to her waist, a dark chocolate brown in color. Her eyes were also a warm brown, but they could turn cold before you could say 'sorry'. She walked with grace, her head held high. She was proud of being who she was, a pure blood married to a gorgeous pure blood husband. And then there's me. I'm average height. I have long black hair, stick straight of course. The only thing un-average about me is my startling blue eyes, the kind of blue that you see in a child's sweet, or the color Cerulean in a crayon. I used to walk with the same air of royalty as my parents, but ever since Sirius Black came around, I've changed.

"How have you been, darling?" Mr. Black asked me. I had met Sirius's family on one occasion, when they came to pick up Regulas at Christmas last year.

"I'm well, thanks. How are you?" I replied stiffly, lying of course.

"I am great as well." He answered. I could feel Sirius's eyes on me, and I wondered for a fleeting moment if he was going to talk to me. _Of course not you idiot. He doesn't care about you ._I thought._ He's a lying, cheating arse. _I added to make myself feel better.

"So you're Christine." Said a voice somewhere to my left. I looked up awkwardly, avoiding eyes with the person sitting across from me, and stared in the direction the voice had come from. Regulas Black. I had never talked to him before, since he was a Slytherin and known to be a Death Eater.

"That's me." I answered him quietly. I noticed he had surprisingly pretty eyes, despite the way the rest of him looked worn and drained. They were a dark hazel with light golden flecks around his pupil. Hm.

"So your parents didn't tell you about this trip? They just sprung it on you?" He asked, leaning toward me. He had a nice voice, gentle and soothing. I had to tear my eyes away from him. I reminded myself that all Black's are like that, irresistible.

"Yes, they did exactly that." I muttered, straightening my back and trying to look regal.

"They did the exact same with Sirius and me." Regulas said, as if that was a coincidence. I stared a Sirius's fist on the table, and noticed it was clenched tightly.

"Why are we leaving so early for the Quidditch Tournament if it's in a week?" I asked curiously.

"So we get our tent pitched right by the court." I had expected Regulas to answer me, but instead Sirius did. I looked up and we met eyes. An unwanted memory flashed before my eyes before I could block it.

_The Day After Exams, 6__th__ Year_

I was in my dorm on my bed, laying on my stomach and reading over the Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook. I was pretty sure I got a question about how many gallons of blood a vampire consumes a day wrong, and I just had to check. Lily was flipping through her book as well. As I flipped further into the book, I procrastinated more, fretting over my answers.

"Okay this is no help." I stated angrily as I jumped to my feet, slamming my book shut. Lily looked up, her pen jutting out of her mouth.

"It is for me. Do you think I could have at least scraped an O if I missed only one?" I nodded, even though I wasn't really sure.

"Well this is just making me worry, so I'm going to get some fresh air." Lily nodded absentmindedly and went back to studying. Sighing, I left the dorm room, making sure to stomp loudly as I left. I walked into the Common Room and I could hear moaning and rustling on the couch. Gross. I did not want to run into another make out-fest. I glanced at who it was as I walked by and I froze in my tracks. I didn't recognize the girl, but the boy had dark shaggy hair and had no shirt on. He was on top over her, kissing her fiercely. He… he looked like Sirius. I stared, my mouth open. Hurt, realization, shock, anger filled through me.

"Sirius?" My voice shook and I felt dizzy. The boy looked up and his beautiful dark grey eyes stared at me. The girl shoved him off, and stood up, straightening her tank top. She was gorgeous, no doubt. With caramel skin, long gold tainted hair, and dark brooding eyes she looked like a supermodel. It didn't help that she was wearing a reavling tank top and a short skirt.

"Sirius, is this your girlfriend?" She asked. Her voice was clear and she sounded aggravated. Sirius didn't answer, he was staring at me. I hadn't realized I was crying until a tear rolled down my cheek. The girl gave me a smug smile and swept out of the room. I was left staring at a guilty Sirius. Hurt beyond belief filled through me. I felt numb.

"Christine…" He started, his eyes pleading.

"No. I trusted you." I interrupted, my voice cracking.

"It wasn't like that." He tried to explain, but I cut him off again.

"You were making out with a girl on the couch Sirius! After all we've been through; this is what you do to me." Tears were flowing down my cheeks freely now, there was no use trying to hold it all in. He looked down.

"I'm sorry, I…" He trailed off.

"Exactly. I don't know about you, but I meant it when I said I love you Sirius! I thought you had changed, I thought you were different!" My voice was rising. He was just staring at me, looking tortured. I couldn't care less.

"I did mean it." He whispered.

"Then what the hell Black? You just couldn't resist it? Resist HER? Couldn't find a better way to break up with me?" I shouted, trying unsuccessfully to wipe my eyes free of mascara. I hadn't called him Black since we had started going out. That seemed like years ago.

"No Christine, never, I just I was…" He stepped toward me and took my arms gently. I shook him off and glared at him.

"No. I'm done. I'm done with you, I'm done with this, and I'm done with EVERYTHING!" I screamed. He shook his head, his eyes sparkling with tears. _I don't care, I don't care, I don't CARE._I repeated over and over in my head, as he spoke.

"No Christine please I love you I don't know what I was thinking…" He was begging now, his eyes wet, but no tears streamed down his cheeks.

"Leave me alone." I snapped. I pushed past him and out the portrait hole, crying uncontrollably and knowing that Sirius Black had just single handedly ruined my life.

I quickly tore my eyes away from Sirius's, snapping out of the memory. I felt my hands shaking, and I put them on my lap and out of sight.

"Are you kids ready to go?" Mum asked cheerfully. I nodded stiffly while Regulas and Sirius mumbled in their agreement. We all rose from the table and I grabbed my heavy bag.

"Oh, dear you won't need to carry that." Mrs. Black snapped her fingers, and with a _crack_, an ugly house elf appeared by her side.

"Kreacher, take her bags to our tent by the Quidditch Pitch." She ordered. The house elf nodded obediently and disappeared as fast as he had come. I blinked in surprise. My parents had never hired a house elf; my mum always said that they were too dirty.

"Now that that's taking care of, Regulas darling come Apparate with me." I noticed how she completely ignored Sirius, and I felt a trace of pity. Regulas scowled by being addressed as 'darling', but reluctantly walked gracefully to his mother's side.

I took my mother's hand tightly, and my father gripped my arm. I could hear Sirius stomp to his father's side, and in a moment I heard a sharp crack from one side of the room. Before I could look around, I felt the familiar sensation of being squeezed through what felt like a tube. I gasped, even though I had been expecting the sensation. I opened my eyes slowly, accustoming to the bright sunlight. We were in a field of rich greens, bustling with the commotion of people in brightly colored robes. To the left of me was a huge Quidditch pitch, with rows and rows of stands and boxes.

I noticed someone was right next to me, I could feel the heat of the persons arm on mine. I whipped my head toward the person, and noticed that Sirius was right next to me. I stepped away from him awkwardly, just as a little man in bright orange robes trotted up to Mrs. Black.

"You're Grace!" He squeaked, bowing lowly. A smirk curved up Mrs. Black's lips, and I no longer questioned where Sirius got his famous smiles from.

"Marvin." Mrs. Black replied to the little man, apparently Marvin. He grinned cheekily.

"How may I be of assistance?" He asked. Mrs. Black dug through her cloak pockets (which were a lovely green in color) and came up with a slightly crumpled piece of paper.

"Here we are." She handed Marvin the list. He bowed again, and disappeared with a loud crack.

"Shall we find our tent?" Mr. Black held out his arm to his wife. My family trailed behind the Blacks, walking for about five minutes. I was absorbed in my beautiful surroundings, staring in awe at the important looking people, lush grasses, and of most importance, thousands and thousands of tents. Large, small, differently colored, you name it. They were scattered here and there, but the Blacks wove through them easily. I tripped over a few tent wires and thanked my lucky stars that Sirius was ahead of me and not behind. Finally we reached what seemed like the largest tent of all, flapping in the wind. Of course it was green and silver to support Slytherin.

"This tent is an original, handed straight down from descendents of Slytherin himself." Mr. Black was bragging. My father nodded earnestly as we entered the grand mansion hidden inside the tent. My mouth dropped open as we entered the foyer. There were slick black tiles and emerald green wall paper. Two spiraling staircases led upstairs on either side, to reveal elegant black railings. The foyer stretched on into a crackling hearth surrounding by plush cushions. The ceiling above us must have been at least three stories. It was so beautiful.

"It's nothing much, but it will have to do." Mr. Black said modestly.

"Nothing much?" I asked, staring at the married couple in shock. "It's gorgeous." Mrs. Black beamed and flipped her hair.

"You think so? I designed it myself." She said proudly. I could tell she was going to start boring me with facts about her decorating process. I prepared myself to at least try to look interested. Someone cleared their throat, and everyone looked around in confusion for a moment. Then all eyes fell on Sirius. He was leaning against the door, looking impatient.

"Excuse me. Aren't we supposed to be showing them the tent and not bragging about it?" He said coldly. Even I was surprised at his rudeness, and Mrs. Black looked affronted. The father's eyes widened in shock. My parents looked at each other, while Regulas seemed indifferent. Mrs. Black's expression immediately turned to anger. Her lips twisted up in a grimace.

"Sirius. Meet me in the office for a moment." Mrs. Black's tone of voice was sharp, her teeth were gritted together. Even I had to admit that she looked scary. However, Sirius just clenched his jaw and glared at her, but followed her into a leading corridor. Mr. Black forced himself to what he probably hoped was a winning smile.

"I will show you around." He said cheerfully.

An hour later, everyone met up in the dining room for a late lunch. I hadn't seen Sirius since his mother took him away, and I was beginning to feel anxious. Not to see him of course. Just worried that she was hurting him. At least I wished I only felt that way.

Mr. Black had showed us around, and the entire house was just as beautiful as the foyer. I got my own chamber next door to my parents, in our own little section of the house. Once we reached the dining room, dinner was already on the table. It all smelled so delicious, my mouth started watering before I even sat down. Mr. Black took his place at the head of the table, my father on one side to him, Regulas on the other. My mother sat next to my father, and I took my seat next to her. Sirius would sit across from me, and I felt obliged to ask my mother if I could switch spots with her. But I knew what her answer would be, so no point in asking.

We waited for a few chatter filled minutes before Mrs. Black reentered the room, a triumphant smirk on her face. She took her place at the other end of the table. Sirius entered after her. His face was hard, and I noticed he was wearing all long sleeves. That was odd, considering it was over seventy degrees out. He was walking with a slight limp, but still looked gorgeous even while injured. I wondered what she had done to him, cut him? Kicked him? Whipped him? It looked like possibly all three.

The parents eloped into conversation, and for the first time in a while, I tried to catch Sirius eye. I looked at him frowning. He was staring down at the lovely meal in disgust, his hands clenched into fists on top of the table. He was shaking visibly. Finally he looked up at me, his eyes dark and hard. He stared at me for a moment, me too mesmerized to move. Then he tore his eyes away, refocusing on his food.

"So Christine." I lifted my head from my plate and locked eyes with Mrs. Black. She had dark, cruel eyes. So unlike Sirius's grey light ones.

"How did you and Sirius meet exactly?" She was really going out of her way to make him mad, and it was working. His hands were in fists again and he was glaring menacingly at his silverware. Everyone was looking at me for an answer.

"We had all classes together last year." I said lowly. I distracted myself by stuffing my face with the unknown food on my plate. It tasted amazing, but even that couldn't block out Mrs. Black's next words.

"Sirius speaks very fondly of you. It's always _Christine_ this and _Christine_ that." She looked pleased with herself, and Sirius looked horrified. His mouth was slightly opened, and his cheeks were flushed. Then his expression hardened. He stood up from the table, making a loud screeching sound. He shot death rays at his mother, before strutting out of the dining hall.

Everything was silent after that. I couldn't forget what she said, had Sirius really told his family about me? Somehow I doubted it, but some part of me believed it.

_**Hey guys! This was meant to be a sequel of another story, but I didn't like the way the first one turned out. So I decided to just put this one up. I hope you guys liked it! Please read/review and let me know what you think. Constructive critsizm would be nice. Thanks!**_

_**~Lots of love,**_

_**Alaina**_


	2. Chapter 2

Ch 2: (Womanizer) 

"_You got me going. You're oh so charming. But I can't do it. You womanizer. Boy don't try to front I know just what you are… Womanizer." _

~Britney Spears

**Sirius's P.O.V.**

I strode outside angrily, making sure to slam the tent's door behind me. The cold air felt good on my hot skin. I can't believe she said that in front of Christine. Beautiful, wonderful Christine. I hated myself for hurting her. I hated myself for losing her because of some stupid longing, some stupid secret. Some stupid idea that she would never find out. And I regretted every second of it.

I kicked a rock, sending it flying through the air. I wish James was here. But he wouldn't be arriving for two more days. Not that I didn't mind being around Christine, of course not. But I hated the looks she gave me. I hated the guilt. I needed a friend to help me put up with it.

It also bothered me that Rosalie was here. I had no idea where, nor cared, but she was here. And she was supposed to be my girlfriend. I didn't like her at all. I just wanted Christine. I don't even know why I said yes to Rosalie, I guess at the time I thought that it would make Christine jealous. It could still work, but there was a very slim chance. I had dated her before, and had broken her heart (whose haven't I? I'm such a man whore). I have also shagged her… and I'm not proud of that.

Just then, as if on cue, I saw the devil herself surrounded by a bunch of other girls. I tried to turn away before she recognized me, but then she yelled my name.

"Sirius! Babe! Get over here." She grinned flirtatiously. She was pretty, but nothing compared to Christine. She had blonde hair that fell past her shoulders, and light blue-green narrow eyes. She was mean to other girls, and I remember when I dated her before how she would yell at them if they said 'hello' to me. That's one of the reasons I dumped her, the other because back then I only wanted her because she was good in bed. But then I got bored, and I moved on. Now I was different. I didn't want some slutty girl just for fun, I wanted Christine.

I slowly walked toward her, taking in the girls around her. A few Ravenclaw girls. Alice Block. Mary McDonald. Lily Evans. Lily looked really good, I couldn't help but notice. James would be so joyous to see her, especially since that they were finally dating. I was glad too, after the years and years of him asking and obsessing, I was glad that she had finally given in. I was sick of the endless dramatics of James getting discouraged then 'giving up', then regaining hope. I loved the guy more than my own brother (not in the gay way, I swear) but he was driving me insane. I had problems too. He told me he was going to propose to her. I thought he was crazy, but agreed because I was a good friend.

"Hey." I said quietly, trying not to sound like I cared. Which was easy, because I really didn't. Rosalie patted the space next to her on the stone wall they were sitting on. I plopped down, sighing as I did so, and Rosalie threw her arms around her neck and slung her legs over my lap. She giggled and asked me how my summer was.

"Pretty good." I lied. It had been terrible, especially with my mum beating me every second she got. My family was so dysfunctional, with Regulas getting black mailed by the Dark Lord, and me also getting black mailed (he wanted me to join his Death Eaters, and no way in hell was that happening), my mother black mailing me about Christine and James (yeah I know, a lot of black mailing, I'm used to it), and my father just staying out of all this rubbish. I pushed the thoughts out of my mind before I started getting worked up. I looked over at Lily, and noticed that she was avoiding my gaze. I forgot that she would probably be upset over the whole me cheating on Christine thing. Dammit.

Rosalie turned my chin so I was looking her straight in the eye. Then she started snogging me, making the other girls simper and purposely look in other directions. She slipped her tongue into my mouth, and normally I would have totally token her on. But today I pulled away, making her put her over-glossed lips in a pout.

"What's wrong?" She cooed, kissing my neck. I sighed in annoyance. She was oblivious to everything; couldn't she see that I wasn't in the mood?

"Stomach ache." I lied. Even though the moonlight was dim, I could still see her hurt expression. Even though I was a jerk, I didn't like it when I upsetted girls. I gave her a quick peck on the mouth and forced a smile.

"Hey Lily can I talk to you? It'll only take a second." I moved Rosalie's legs off of my lap but slung my arm around her. I stared at Lily expectantly, and finally looked at me and nodded. Her expression was blank and some-what amused. Lily had never really liked me before she started dating James, but then we had become sort of friends. But all dreams of us becoming real friends had been crushed.

"Be right back." I stood up and led Lily behind a couple of tents. I bit my lip as she glared at me with the hatred of someone who had been through a lot, and didn't want to talk to me. We stopped behind a tall neon pink tent, her stomping her foot on the ground dramatically. Pleasant.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Messing around with Rosalie? Why are you such an idiot?" She hissed, shoving my chest. I felt my eyes get wide, and I held my hands up in defense. She was strong for someone so thin and fragile looking.

"I'm sorry I don't know what I'm doing! I thought it would make her jealous but I know it's not going to work. I just thought I'd try." She crossed her arms, shaking her head in dismay. I let out a shaky breath I hadn't realized I was holding. Her cheeks had flushed with furiousness and her eyes were flashing in a way that let me know I was in trouble.

"So let me get this straight, you're just going to dump Rosalie and break her heart again?" I bit my lip, nodding slowly. It sounded terrible and cruel, but what else was I supposed to do? Let it go on and hurt her more later? That was even worse than what I was doing, but it was my only choice. Lily's face turned beet red.

"That's rubbish Sirius! You should hear the way she talks about you; you can't do that to someone!" I hung my head and kicked the dirt with the toe of my shoe. I could feel stupid tears building in my eyes. I got teary now whenever someone yelled at me, and I hated it. It was one of my instant reflexes to things, like how some people scream when someone jumps out at them unexpectedly. I used to be able to keep my emotions in check, but now they were just totally out of whack. It was fucking annoying.

"I'm sorry." I whispered my voice hoarse with shame. I could hear Lily sigh in frustration. I looked up to her, the tears brimming so they blurred my vision. Lily dropped her tense shoulders and stepped toward me. She wrapped me in a hug. My shoulders were shaking, but I hugged her back. I put my hands high up on her back so I wasn't accused of hugging my best friends girlfriend in a non-friend way. I couldn't have that happen to me. Not when I was already going through so much.

"Oh, Sirius." Her voice was gentle. I pulled away and wiped my eyes on the back of my hand. I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling the cold night air seeping through my sweater. It was freezing for a summer night. Lily looked me straight in the eye, emerald to grey.

"She cares. More than she shows. She's just upset. And she should be." Lily said the last part sternly. She gripped my shoulders and shook them with the same strength that had surprised me earlier.

"You have to prove yourself to her if you want her back. Break up with Rose. Tell Christine the truth." Lily advised me. I nodded my head, drinking in her words like Fire Whiskey.

"Will you help me?" I asked timidly. I had never asked anyone for help before. Sirius Black had never needed help with anything. But I was in a time of need, and Lily was the best person to ask. She wouldn't be over caring and sympathetic, and she was so blunt that she would say things just like they were. That's exactly what I needed. Lily tilted her head to one side and tapped her finger on her chin, compteplating. I bored my eyes into her, hoping it would have an effect. Then she grinned, her entire face lighting up. Man that girl could smile.

"Okay, but only when we get to Hogwarts. Until then, you're on your own." She patted my shoulder and walked away. I watched her auburn hair swing back and forth, like a pendulum. I could see what James saw in her. Easily in fact. I followed her back to the group so I could say goodbye to Rosalie. I would break up with her at some point, I just didn't want to right now.

"Sirius!" Rosalie spoke my name with a certain kind of dirty tone that meant that she wanted to snog. Or go farther. I pushed that dirty thought out of my mind and blankly watched her as she approached me. She grabbed my hand and dragged me behind a pillar.

She pressed me against the concrete and started kissing me ferociously. I couldn't even pry myself away; she did it with such fierceness. One of her arms was around my neck, the other tangled in my hair. I rested my hands on the small of her back. Even though I knew it was wrong, it felt kind of good to let my mind go blank for a minute. Nightmares haunted me at night, and every little thing in the day reminded me of Christine. _Shit! _Christine! I pulled away from Rosalie just as one of her hands started traveling down my leg.

"What?" She whispered, panting. I had to do this now. We had been dating for entire summer, which counted right? I knew deep inside it didn't, but I convinced myself anyway.

"I'm breaking up with you." I looked away so I wouldn't have to see the tears in her eyes. I could feel her intake of breath on my cheek, the sharpness of it perceived hurt and shock.

"I'm really sorry, it's just I've been having a lot of family problems and I need to focus on that." At least that wasn't a complete lie. My Mum was a complete bitch, complaining about how she didn't know what to do with me when I got out of school, blah blah blah. And then whenever I voiced my opinion she would beat me up like a bully would to a nerdy kid. She knew a lot of harmful spells, let's just say that.

Then there's Regulas, arguing with me all the time. Mum always took his side, since she absolutely hated me. When he wasn't fighting with me, he would be trying to get me to join the Dark Lord. No way was that ever going to happen, I have seen what my Mum has done to muggle-borns, and it's not pretty. It wasn't their fault they were born that way, and no one should treat anyone like that. Just like I shouldn't treat girls, and yes I wasn't that arrogant that I didn't realize that what I was doing was just as bad. And I was trying hard to stop.

Dad just never had time for me. He worked at the ministry, so he was always busy with that. He wasn't bad when we actually have time to be together, but he was prejudice against muggle-borns like Mum. And he tried to convince me to go down the same path as Regulas, since he also believed in the Dark Lord's plans.

Rosalie suddenly grabbed my chin and turned my head so I was looking at her instead of my feet. I snapped out of my misery. Her eyes were intense as they gazed into mine. She pressed her lips against mine harshly. She pulled away before I could react.

"You are so sweet." She sighed, her eyes glassing over. She must have seen the question in my eyes, because she continued.

"You don't have to break up with me. I know things are hard, but I can help you through." I opened my mouth to oblige, but she held a finger to my lips. She started kissing me again, and I had to literally pry her mouth away from mine. This was not going as I planned.

"Rose…" She planted another kiss on my lips to silence my protests.

"I have to go… See you tomorrow baby." She smiled flirtatiously before strutting back to a few of her giggling friends. I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. Lily walked over to me from the other side of a tent, and I was surprised to see that Christine was behind her. Lily's eyes were flashing in a way that I knew that I was about to get lectured. I try to send her a telepathic message; _not now, not now, not now._ She jerked to a stop a foot in front of me, Christine nearly running into her.

I felt my thoughts go fuzzy when I stared at Christine. She looked so beautiful, even without trying. Her waist length black hair flowed perfectly around her perfect figure, her gorgeous icy blue eyes avoiding my grey ones… She made me want her without even trying. I remembered how she used to kiss me, how many times I had begged her to make love with me…

"I see you still have a girlfriend Black." Lily hissed, her jaw clenched tightly. I leaned against the pillar in annoyance. Christine looked at me, her expression angered. Of course she would be, I didn't blame her. How would I feel if I found out she was dating someone else only a month after we had broken up?

"I tried Evans. She interrupted me before I could finish." I kept my voice level, even though I was panicking. Christine was glaring at me with such hatred that it was hard to not look at her. I watched Lily's conflicted emotions instead. First she still looked mad, but then her gaze softened.

"Want me to talk to her?" She asked gently. I did a double take.

"Okay, what's with the mood swing?" I asked suspiciously. Lily shrugged and gave me what looked like a forced smile.

"Your James best friend, I have to be nice." I rolled my eyes. Ahh, the boyfriend excuse. Now I knew she wanted something from me. Girls always used that to use people, confusing I know, but true.

"What do you want?" I asked looking at her skeptically. A small smile curved at the ends of her thin lips. Christine crossed her arms over her chest and glowered.

"Okay fine. When is he coming here? He didn't tell me exactly." I noticed how her eyes lit up when she talked about James. I was happy for them, because I knew that James was seriously overjoyed that she had finally said yes. However I was just a little bit jealous of their relationship… it was so easy for both of them. No conflict, no fighting, nada. Whereas with me, whatever relationship I get into… well let's just say it's tough love.

"Two days." I replied nonchalantly. Lily looked dejected. I wanted to keep the conversation going so I could maybe pull Christine away after, but I didn't want to be obvious about it. "So, how did you two find each other?" I darted my eyes between both of them, trying not to let my gaze linger on Christine. It was hard. She looked so damn beautiful, with her lips all glossy and lush…. Her hair looking so silky and smooth…. Her eyes so smoldering and sexy… I wanted her more than anything.

"I went to go find her at your tent." I raised my eyebrows in confusion, how did she find my tent in the first place? She answered before I could even ask. "Your tents kind of hard to miss." Christine nodded in agreement, her eyes floating to a place to the left of me. I glanced over my shoulder, finding that no one was even there. Great.

"Well we better get going." Lily said awkwardly, shifting from foot to foot. My face felt flushed and my heart started pounding way too fast. I stuttered over my words as they turned to leave, Lily turning around and looking me in the eye. I shook my head desperately, jerking it toward Christine. A look of understanding passed in Lily's eyes, and she stopped walking.

"Christine can I talk to you for a moment?" My words came out rushed and mispronounced, but Christine stopped and slowly turned toward me. She kept her eyes yielded to the ground, and crossed her arms over her chest moodily. Lily gave me a weak smile before skipping away from us.

"Look I'm sorry-" She cut me off before I could even finish my first sentence. She lifted her eyes to mine, paralyzing me in shock that she was making eye contact.

"No your effing not! If you were sorry you wouldn't have a girlfriend." She took a step closer to me, her eyes burning into mine. I couldn't move, or breathe for that matter.

"If you were sorry you would apologize to me like a man, without rolling your eyes." I opened my mouth to protest, but she took another step toward me, silencing me with a glare.

"If you were sorry you would tell me you love me and say you would make it up to me." She took another step, so we were only inches apart. Her voice got considerably lower, her eyes less burning and more bathed in angst than anything else.

"If you were sorry you wouldn't have done it in the first place." She took her final step, stopping so we were nose to nose. I stared down at her in absolute shock. I could feel her heart beating against her shirt, smell her sweet breath across my face. I gently leaned in to press my lips to her lovely mouth. She turned around so fast so all I got was her vanilla-scented hair in my face.

"If you were sorry you would leave me alone." She paused at the end of the clearing, so she was only just visible in the moonlight. I felt my eyes fill with moisture at the truth of her words.

"I am sorry. I'm trying to change. I know I'm wrong." My voice cracked, and her eyes grew curious for a split second before hardening over again.

"It's no use. I'm already gone." Christine stared into my agony filled eyes for a minute, before turning and disappearing into the dark.

I sank down the concrete, trying to get my breathing and heart beat back to its regular rate. Last year, before we left Hogwarts, Christine had yelled at me every chance she had got. But she had never got up in my face like that. I guess she was really sick of me going around just saying sorry but not being able to explain myself. Which sounds like rubbish, I know, but I do have a deeper reason of doing that to her then just not being able to 'help myself'. I couldn't tell her that, no way. I couldn't risk it.

I heard the crinkling of the grass as someone sat next to me. I took my head out of my hands to make out Lily Evans in the darkness. She dropped her shoulders in a way that obviously meant _I know. _

"She already told you?" I felt my jaw tighten as Lily looked at the ground, not meeting my eye.

"Not exactly… I just knew." We were both silent for a minute, me secretly checking her out in the dim lighting. I had always known that there was a reason that James loved Lily from the second her met her, I just hadn't realized it for the past six years. I had always assumed she was just a hot headed bitch.

But last year I opened my eyes and started seeing. Lily did have a short tempered, especially when it comes to James. I couldn't blame her at first; I mean he wouldn't leave the girl alone. He asked her out every chance he got, always making sure to explain it VERY loudly so that way he could embarrass Lily in front of the entire school. Then the next day (after he proclaimed his so called new-found love to her and then got promptly slapped across the face) she would find out that he was dating another slut in the school. Yeah, that didn't make her too happy.

But then he stopped dating the girls and completely focused on Lily during sixth year. They actually got to know each other since they sat next to each other in every single class, and Lily usually went to Hogsmeade with us (meaning the Mauderer's) and her friends, so they started talking. Then James put on this huge show and gathered all of Lily's favorite things in a huge surprise party for her sixteenth birthday, and she totally loved it. Then he asked her out when he took her on a moonlit walk by the lake, and she couldn't resist.

And then since I was forced to be in Lily's presence (her and James were inseparable) we became… well not friends, but far from enemies. She would lecture me about treating girls nicely one minute, then come looking for advice on what to get James for his birthday the next. I would complain to her about what a bastardly bitch Regulas is, and then come to her when I got a Howler from my mom that I opened in the Great Hall to find that my mother had used every word in existence (out of hatred of course) to call me.

And she was pretty. Maybe not gorgeous in the way that Christine was, but she was definitely nice looking. Even though her hair was an average length, it still seemed to follow her in glowing halo around her head, always sleek and shiny. It was obvious she had spent time on making it that way, not like Christine whose hair was naturally beautiful. Not that Lily wasn't natural, I just want to get it straight that I do NOT fancy her (no matter what rumors say) nor would I ever be able to since James is so smitten with her. Lily had green eyes that managed to be sharp and intelligent at the same time. Even though I didn't like her in that way, I had to admit it…She was smart, she was popular, and she was hot. What was not to like?

But of course that was a stupid way for me to think. She was kind too; it wasn't just her looks and ego that allured me. Maybe it was just the fact that she was the only girl I had ever seen James swoon over, and fall completely in love with.

She rested her head on my shoulder, not in a love way, but more of a friendly comforting gesture. I sighed deeply, letting my head fall so it was resting on hers. She spoke, her voice somewhat muffled and guarded.

"Truly Sirius, why did you do it?" Of course, the question I knew that she would ask at some point. James already had, and I told him. I figured he would have explained by now, so I refrained to tell her myself. Plus I was afraid she would tell Christine. That would possibly make her forgive me, and that was something I truly wanted. But it would also risk in her death.

"I can't." I let my face reveal no emotion, this which I have become very good at. Lily sighed dejectedly, and got to her feet slowly. I followed her with my eyes. She gave me a half wave and a shrug, before walking gracefully out of the clearing. I sat there for a moment, my breathing shallow and my head pounding. That beating wasn't really helping my state of health. After a minute of resting, I forced myself to my feet, groaning as I did so. I rolled my shoulders back and sauntered toward my tent. I hoped I looked arrogant and royal, since it was the only way to cover up everything I had been feeling.

My look must have been working, because many girls were fluttering their lush eyelashes at me and giggling loudly as I walked past. I shot them a few smiles and winks, enjoying the way they swooned at such simple notions. The sun had now set, and I could hear shrieks and laughter coming from multiple tents. Most likely just betting parties, guessing if the London or State's team would win. I was secretly betting on the States, since they had an amazing a keeper. Some bloke that had never let a Quaffle in.

Our tent was alight with eerie emerald lights. I rolled my eyes at the choice of color, sodding Slytherins. I pushed open the brass door to find a full fledge party going on in our foyer. There were flashing green lights, and Slytherins of all ages holding drinks and dancing. I could see Bellatrix with her lips glued onto some guys face, and her sister giving someone a lap dance. There was much more of that sort of activity going on, it was quite disgusting since it was slimy Slytherins doing it in the first place. It was like they were having sex with their clothes on. I knew I probably looked like that half of the time when I was with a girl and drunk, but it still wasn't something very lovely to come 'home' to.

I gritted my teeth together; of course dear old Mummy would let dear Regulas have a party. I knew I would never be able to fall asleep with all of this noise going on. The music was so loud that with every vibration my head felt more and more like it was about to split open. I stood in the doorway, trying to get the will to walk to my chambers. But then Regulas came up to me, staggering with drunkenness.

"Hey brother!" He slurred, sloshing some Fire Whiskey onto his front. I stared at him in disgust, watching his eyes dart around. Regulas had a lot of problems, and he uses alcohol to escape from them. It was pathetic really, and I pitied him rather than hated him. He slung his arm around me and guided me to the drink table, shoving a bottle of vodka into my empty hand. I took it ungratefully, promising myself to dump it later.

"This here is my friend Marie!" Reg was rambling, pointing out a girl with short dark black hair. He pulled her toward him and embraced her with a full fledged snogging secession. When he finally pulled away, her cheeks were flushed and she gave him a dazzling smile before going onto the dance floor. He grinned at me, and I gave him a half hearted smile back.

"I would really love to hang but I must get to bed." I lied quickly, ducking out of Regulas's surprisingly sober grip. I darted up the steps and flattened myself against the wall. I was panting, but I don't know why I was so freaked out. The thought of my brother having to go through all the shit he was going through was hard. It was all hard. Living with such a dysfunctional family, who I didn't even call my family half of the time. My real family was the Mauderer's, and even that was falling apart. With James getting close to Lily and father from me, Remus mourning over his own problems and keeping things from us, and Peter was definitely up to something. I wasn't sure what to say anymore, except I was worried I was losing my only friends.

The rest of the guys in our school despised me, even though they had no reason to. I had a hell lot more of problems then they did. But yet again, there was the problem of me 'stealing' there so called-girlfriends. The girls bombarded me, it wasn't my fault. I felt conceited and idiotic thinking that. These thoughts always led me back to thinking about how Christine was so right about me. I was never really going to change.

_**Hey guys! Sorry for the wait. I have had a lot of writers block and such, so please forgive me! I love reviews, even if they are just simple I like it's. I also love criticism and flames, really any review makes my day! So please just take a minute of your time and tell me what you think, since you bothered to read this junk anyway. It should get better, so please keep reading! Thanks to all of my reviewers and readers, you really made my day by telling me what you think! Thanks **_

_**~Lots of love,**_

_**Alaina**_


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